Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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