I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
