I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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