dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
