wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
