Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize