Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
