Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
