Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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