no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
