How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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