me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
