I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
