the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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