I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
