we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
