Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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