So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
