you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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