you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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