worst night to have a conscience
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
