it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you're hired as official boob wrangler
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
