she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
