it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
