Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
