I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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