Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
