You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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