meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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