of course. lets lasso hookers.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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