Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize