I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
