I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He did a backflip because drugs
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
