he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
nutella sex= disaster
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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