Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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