capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
