Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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