My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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