Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
