So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
