I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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