I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
