You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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