you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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