Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
