my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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