every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My breasts were aching with rage.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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