I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
