God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
