He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
