Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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