my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
