Dual....:-)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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