Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize