The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
