Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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