i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
