the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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