what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
