my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize