he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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