Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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