took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
