"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
