So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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