you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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