went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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