I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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