hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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