is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We are all done wearing pants today
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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