I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
