I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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