Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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