These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize