I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
