There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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