We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
