he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
