i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
