fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
