Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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