If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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