we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
