I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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