Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
