fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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