i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ambien. No doubt about it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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