Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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