More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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