We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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