That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
