i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
